“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” - Jim Rohn
I've heard this show me your friends & I'll show you your future quote echoed on thousands of podcasts & audiobooks now. Ok, thousands is a slight exaggeration but I do hear it frequently. And mainly by successful, ridiculously accomplished professionals at the forefront of their field. Depending on the people you have around you this could be a very bleak statement. If you haven’t already, think of the 5 people you spend most of your time with. Do their values, character & ambitions align with yours?
When it comes to relationships, we are greatly influenced by those closest to us whether we like it or not. They can affect our way of thinking, our self-esteem, and our decisions. Of course, everyone is their own person, but we’re also hugely influenced by our environment. The average of 5 theory originates from the law of averages. This is the theory that the result of any given situation will be the average of all potential outcomes. You’re the situation, your friends are the outcomes.
Translation: You need people. They can be mentors, family, friends or even strangers.
Whoever they're these people should challenge you, with a view of making you better. Thereby raising your average or helping you maintain a high one. Talking from experience you should seek these people out. When it’s the other way around & someone challenges you without your permission, that person just ends up looking like a dick. I should know. I have been that dick. Not everyone wants to be better or do better & that's ok. If you do, align yourself with like-minded people.
It's easy for highly established, successful people to surround themselves with other people of the same ilk who do this. But what if you've only just embarked on your potential success story? What if your inner circle lacks these phenomenal high achieving millionaires who are impacting the world in a way that inspires you? Should we just ditch the relationships that we enjoy? Relationships that we've spent a lifetime nurturing to instead try to find ones that better suit the aspirations we have now.
You can cut people loose if you want to be ruthless & have a heart of stone, but it’s extreme & it's necessary in my opinion. Unless that friend is a real piece of work & makes you feel shitty about yourself. But if this is the case, you never should have even been friends with that person in the first place. You do need people who have the ability to challenge you. Challenge your thoughts, your aspirations & your actions, but not everyone in your life needs to do this. And if no one in your life does this, YOU can.
Whilst it's nice to have people in your life to challenge you to be better, there's no reason why you can’t do it yourself. In fact, YOU are the only person you should be holding accountable for the things you want to achieve in life. Up to this point in my life, no one but me has played this role. Most of the people in my life have completely different habits, ambitions & goals to me & think I’m not normal.
I don’t spend most of my time in an environment where everyone wakes up early to meditate & exercise every morning, but this doesn't stop me from doing it.
I don’t spend most of my time in an environment where people get home from work & then choose to do more work on their own personal projects. Again, this doesn’t stop me from being productive & writing a blog or designing a piece of artwork for Instagram when I get home.
I don’t spend most of my time in an environment where people choose to rarely eat meat. Again, this doesn't affect my ability to do this. I don’t do it every time but 8/10 isn’t bad.
I’m sure Jim Rohn’s quote has a bunch of stats to back up his bold claim about everyone being the average of the people they surround themselves with. But we are humans & we aren’t all made average. We’re bigger than the law of averages. We’re bound by the limits that WE choose to impose on ourselves, not the people around us. If you believe that you can only be as successful as the people you know then you will be. I believe that you can be as successful as you want to be. Give it a try, you have nothing to lose & everything to gain.