ARE WE DRIVEN BY OUR INSECURITIES?
I've never thought about this in much detail before. I've never had to because I've always been a driven person. I've always set goals & then done everything in my power to work towards them until they were achieved. On the other hand or this could just be a narrative that I'm tell myself to make sense of my behaviour.
Either way, as I progress through life, I'm starting to see that this narrative isn't the norm for other people. So many people I know either don't have the drive to set goals in the first place. Or can't maintain their initial drive to achieve whatever goals they set themselves.
"If you worship power, you will forever feel powerless."
Whilst listening to a podcast with Peter Attia who is an M.D., & founder of Attia Medical, he revealed that he worships intellect. Yet, such is the paradox of life that whatever you place intense value on, you will never gain. What drives him is intellect & his fear that people will find out what he doesn't know. This fear lead him to try & know everything. In the process, he has achieved notoriety in educating the world on how they can prolong their life. The only issue is, how much knowledge is enough? Where does his drive to gather intellect end?
This got me thinking about all my insecurities, & whether any of them may be a driving force behind my decisions.
What drove me to go to university when none of my peers was going?
Did I genuinely want to study architecture or was I driven by an insecurity to prove doubters of my intellect wrong? Did I want to show people that black kids from a council estate don't all have to stereotypically fall into a life of crime?
What has driven my decision to avoid serious long-term relationships with the finesse of Ali dodging punches in his prime?
Am I really too fussy, too busy or too preoccupied with looking for happiness internally rather than externally?
Or is it deeper than this? Is my decision driven by some lingering abandonment issues I'm still harbouring from my childhood? Has this made me fearful of having to rely on anyone for anything?
What drives me to want to create a lawless society?
Do I genuinely want to challenge people to be better & push society forward in whatever way they can? Or am I just driven by a lack of purpose in my life? Am I just scared that I'll die without doing anything that means anything to anyone?
WE BECOME WHO WE THINK WE ARE
I don't know the answer to any of these questions for sure. One thing I do know is that we need to let go of certainty. More specifically the certainty that we think we have when it comes to knowing who we are & what makes us tick. We all have a preconceived idea of who we think we are. We've spent our whole lives building this idea of ourselves in our head.
For us to truly uncover what drives us we need to embrace the idea that we don't know who we are & what motivates us. Only then can we start un-peeling the layers of our psyche to discover what truly inspires us. Is it fear of getting left behind, fear of disappointing people, fear of not earning enough? Is it emotional hunger, curiosity, a desire to know more?
The perception of self is everything when it comes to drive. Someone could be teetotal, never touched a drop of alcohol their whole life. When you ask them why it could be because they had an abusive alcoholic parent. This could have drove them to break the cycle. All because they did not want to be anything like their abusive parent. They believed they were better than that.
Someone else could be an alcoholic their whole life & when you ask them why it could be for exactly the same reason. An alcoholic parent. Only their perception of themselves made them continue the cycle. They told themselves that if their parent was an alcoholic loser, then why should they think they're any better? The same situation, but two completely different outcomes. This is as a result of the narrative the individuals told themselves.
MAKING OUR STORY WORK FOR US
I do exactly the same thing. I'm constantly creating narratives to justify the things that I do. We're all prone to doing it without realising. The narrative I've created which I default to the most is the fact that I believe you need a fearless mentality to succeed. To cultivate this mentality, I do what scares me. Whenever that feeling of fear begins to manifest, I default to this narrative. This story of fear leading to success, & in turn it gives me the courage to overcome it. It's automatic now, whenever fear presents itself, I move towards it. This is why I planning on writing & self-publishing a book. I randomly came up with a concept for a book that excited me. However, once I started thinking about the logistics & the hard work it would take to execute this idea, fear reared its ugly debilitating head. That’s all I needed to commit to writing this book.
When it comes to narratives, it's also important to tell yourself ones that produce positive results. Whether you're trying to justify indulging in an unhealthy habit. For example, eating a tub of chocolate fudge brownie ice cream because you had a bad day. Or alternatively eating that tub of ice cream to celebrate having a good day, be conscious of the end result. How are the storylines you follow actually benefitting you? How are you using these storylines to drive you towards your goals?
All of those questions I asked at the start of the blog in an attempt to discover where my drive comes from... they are stories I have created to define myself. Peter Attia has done the same thing. He created the story about his drive coming from his obsession with intellect. It now defines him.
This narrative has served him well & he has excelled in every field he has attempted so far because of it. The narrative I've created about fear & pursuing things that scare me is serving me well so far. Being aware that everything you tell yourself is essentially a story you've made up, is the biggest takeaway from this blog post.
"I could never get dreadlocks because of work; they don't look professional so my boss would never allow it"
"I can't get up early to work out because I'm not a morning person"
"I can't swim because I have a higher bone density which makes it harder for me to stay afloat."
These are all stories I allowed to define me in the past. Once I acknowledged that not only were they holding me back, but that I also had the power to edit them, my life completely changed. It was like all of a sudden, I was living in a world full of opportunities.
What looks professional is subjective. There is no set rule that dreadlocks, a natural hairstyle doesn't belong in the workplace. And even if there was, that rule could be challenged. Once I adopted this story not only could I have dreadlocks but I could have any hairstyle I wanted.
What even is a morning person anyway? Just because I'm not the cheeriest person in the world first thing in the morning, doesn't mean I can't wake up early to exercise. Once I adopted this story not only could I wake up early to exercise but I could also create a whole morning routine. This currently consists of writing, mediating & practising Portuguese.
Even if bone density affected your ability swim, I'm sure loads of people with a high bone have mastered it. And if they haven’t, I'll be the first. I've only recently adopted this story & I haven't acted on it as of yet but mark my words by the end of next year I will know how to swim.
I do think your insecurities play a part in what drives you, but because of the stories you create as a result of them. All of the stories I've listed in this blog could be traced back to an insecurity. Whether it's a physical or mental insecurity, we all have them. I'm now learning that you don't have to be the person you've told yourself you're all your life. Your narratives define you & you're the narrator of your life. It's never too late to create new ones that drive you to succeed in things that you aspire to prosper in.